College has turned me into an excellent budgeter

Check: $211.86.

Bank balance w/ check: $301

Air mattress for my new apartment: $46.99

Silly t-shirt: $27.99 incl. shipping

Credit card payment: $25

That leaves me with a little under $200 for two weeks. And that’s a lot of money by my standards, and I’ve no doubt I’ll be able to survive comfortably on it.

I feel like I’m going to be living like I’m in college for the rest of my life: cheap meals, few expenses, and most entertainment money going to video games and t-shirts.

Being easily satisfied has its perks. :)

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I’m on a Sonic Youth fix

And I can’t think of much else to blog about at the moment, so here, have some grunge-esque 90s era Sonic Youth:

There’s something I love about this sort of music. Visceral, raw, filled with emotion and high pitched guitars. They don’t make ’em like this anymore.




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I finally did it

I uninstalled Internet Explorer.

Good fucking riddance. Now my union with Firefox is permanent and eternal.

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Certain About Uncertainty

Going to college is an interesting experience. It forces you challenge your thinking and view things from different perspectives, while simultaneously making you grow as a person. It’s been a wonderful time for me, and I’ve still got three years to go.

I’ve learned a lot of things, from some really brilliant professors. Some I’ve agreed with, some I’ve disagreed with, but in all cases, I’ve respected them for the ferocity with which they defend their opinions and the amount of knowledge they have to impart.

In all cases, however, I’ve learned one fundamental truth, which has shaped the way I interact with people and view other opinions and worldviews. One simple premise, which seems self-evident but which many people fail to recognize:

The world, and everything in it, is really fucking complicated.

Some of you who know me well know that I’m very left-wing politically, and very much a progressive socially. I think part of the reason I dislike conservatism (particularly its reactionary, American incarnation) is because of its desire to make complex problems simple by providing simple answers.

“America is having problems with its economy.”

“Easy! Cut taxes and let the job creators handle it.”

“America is having problems with its health care.”

“Easy! Get rid of regulations and let the free market handle it.”

“America is having problems with crime.”

“Easy! Lock up people for 30 years if they so much as jaywalk.”

No, it isn’t that easy. IT’S NEVER THAT FUCKING EASY. The world is an incredibly complicated place, and to even get a really great grasp on ONE of its inner mysteries could require years of studying the issue to properly understand it.

Come to think of it, that might be the reason conservatives dislike universities so much. Not because academia mostly disagrees with their right-wing nationalism (though that might be part of it), but because of the degree of self-doubt, critical evaluation, and humility going through college can require. Contrary to the myths I hear spouted all the time about school, my professors are usually the first ones to admit when they don’t know something. The more you learn about the world-and the more you begin to appreciate its complexity-the more you realize that anyone attempting to peddle you a one-size-fits-all solution (be they a conservative, socialist, or something in between) is probably completely full of shit.

That, at least in terms of academics, is the most important thing college has taught me. This little existence of ours can be hard to wrap your brain around, but I, for one, love being uncertain about things, and I’m always open to being proven wrong. As a skeptic, I always value people who are humble and can speak articulately over what they do know over people who are arrogant and prattle on about subjects of which they know nothing.

So sit down, or stand up, and go read a book, or talk to some people. Hear from as many perspectives as you can. Learn. Maybe, one day, you’ll unlock a piece of the puzzle that is our universe. It might be frustrating. It might force you to reevaluate everything you believe. But when you discover the truth, that makes it all the more satisfying.

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Five Months

Wow, how time flies.

I feel bad for ignoring this blog for such long stretches of time, since there are friends on here that I can only communicate with through it. But sometimes-even for incredibly long periods of time-I can’t say anything. It’s not that I don’t want to say anything, but sometimes the words just don’t form correctly in my head, and when I resolve to sit down and start writing blog entries, it just doesn’t work out.

But, here I am. Friends I’ve made on here and/or holdovers from Xanga, I’m sorry for staying out of touch (especially you HappierHeathen-if you have a facebook, we need to swap our contact info sometime!). I’m going to try to start writing on here more often, if only to give myself a place to reflect on everything.

Usually I write a long and boring chronological summary of my life during my time away, but I don’t really feel like it, so I’ll just give you the highlights.

I’m not asexual, but I’m still frustrated as hell. I finally abandoned the delusion that I don’t have romantic or sexual desires, and I threw myself out there a few times. There’s been two girls, neither of which I’ve gone anywhere with, unfortunately. The first one is a really close friend I met at a club meeting. I had a pretty bad crush on her, and riiiight as I worked up the courage to ask her out, another friend she had a crush on asked her out. They’re now a happy couple, and we’re still friends. I was jealous at first, but I got over it. Life goes on.

The second one is a girl I work with. She’s very quiet, very shy like me. I made the stupid mistake of letting everyone I work with know I liked her, even as I got the nagging feeling she didn’t like me back. Finally I got sick of guessing and straight up asked her friend (who we also work with) if I had a shot with her and-surprise surprise!-she wasn’t looking for a relationship. Oh well. Hopefully she won’t look at me weird and think I’m a strange person for doing that.

I’m still looking, but kind of sick of it. To be honest, I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than be rejected one more time. Every time I’ve ever liked a girl, it’s ALWAYS been one sided…and oh my, am I tired 0f rejection. If somebody comes along, that’d be lovely. If not, oh well. I’ve got my laptop.

Also, I discovered I have a thing for Asian girls. This does not surprise me as much as I thought it would.

I party and get drunk now. It turns out that my current workplace is also a very tight-knit group of friends, and I’ve joined that group of friends. Since we’re also college students, we throw parties. Let me tell you something: don’t knock it until you try it. I got drunk and high as hell my first party, and since then I’ve been to no less than three parties, and I still have yet to get a hangover. Other than a few embarrassing moments, it’s been ten different kinds of fun, and I’m fortunate to have made such good friends that I also happen to work with.

Overall, things are going good. Right now I’m working over the summer and taking summer classes, subleasing a decent place and getting ready to move into my permanent place late next month. I think I’ll start making my writing here a regular thing, both to keep in touch with my friends who don’t have my facebook, and to keep my thoughts collected.

Thanks for reading my catch-up blog! I leave you with a jam of Jimi Hendrix’s, which, while raw and unrefined, still has hints of his genius:

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I accidentally posted on a collaborative blog for our class as this account rather than my school one.

Guess I have to mark this blog as private now.

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Coming back

It’s been, wow, a month since I’ve posted anything on this blog? It can’t be that long, can it?

Yeah. I guess it has been. And things have changed since I came back to college. Since it’s 5 AM and my body refuses to let me sleep, I guess it’s time for some self-reflection and summary.

One word to describe my life now: busy. Completely, insanely busy. I’m taking 16 units this quarter-which, BTW, are much faster and harder than semester systems in my experience-and I’m working about 15 hours a week. Right now, I’m mostly caught up with all my immediate schoolwork, but I have midterms coming up, and I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m not going to do well on them. Probably unfounded, but still…it rings in the back of my mind.

My new job is good, all things considered. The bulk of it is repetitive busywork, but it gives me much needed money and helps me survive as best a college student can. My coworkers are nice and the atmosphere is less stringent than my previous job. On some level, it serves to remind me that service work is exactly what I want to avoid as an older adult and why I’m in college in the first place.

Personal life wise…well, my sexuality is still causing me problems, and I’m doing my best to ignore it. I developed feelings for a friend of mine, but thankfully she’s  started seeing someone else and I’ve been able to let them fade away without ever having to say a word to her about it. =) To be honest, I wish I was asexual: romantic and sexual feelings are worthless distractions to me, since I’m incapable of acting on them in any meaningful way.

I installed my Gamecube in my dorm room, which has been a lot of fun. My roommate and I have been using it a lot, and we’ve become closer friends because of it.

I think that’s everything. I’m busy, and I wish there were more hours in the day, but overall my life is going well.

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